You wake up on Sunday evening and instead of feeling rested, a familiar dread settles in. Monday is coming. Another week of long hours, meticulous work, and giving everything you have — and yet somehow, you still feel like you’re not moving forward.
If this sounds like you, you are not alone. And more importantly, you are not the problem.
In a recent episode of the Launch with Leaders podcast, host Adaeze Iloeje-Udeogalanya said something that stopped a lot of women in their tracks: “The most capable women I know are also the most exhausted and that’s because they’ve been pouring extraordinary energy into a strategy that does not work.”
That strategy? Working harder.
The Lie We Were Told About Hard Work
From the time we were girls, most of us were given the same blueprint for success: put your head down, do excellent work, and the rewards will follow. Study harder than everyone else. Be twice as good to get half as far. Outperform, outdeliver, outwork.
And so we did. We earned the degrees, got the certifications, stayed late, took on extra projects, and said yes when we should have said no. We became indispensable.
But indispensable is not the same as promotable.
For women in STEM especially, this hard work myth has done real damage. The system was not designed with us in mind, which means the rules that work for others often do not work for us. When you keep following advice that was never meant for you, the result is not success. It is exhaustion, frustration, and the crushing feeling that no matter how much you give, it is never quite enough.
The first step to changing that is admitting the strategy is broken, not you.
Ready to change how you play the career game?
Listen to Episode 027 of Launch with Leaders where Adaeze breaks down exactly why hard work alone is keeping women in STEM stuck and what to do instead.
Listen Now on the Launch with Leaders Podcast
Performance vs Positioning
Here is the distinction that changes everything.
Performance is about the quality of your work. It is your technical skill, your output, your ability to deliver results. Performance is what gets you hired. It is what keeps you employed. It absolutely matters.
But positioning? Positioning is something else entirely.
Positioning is about your visibility and your influence with the people who make decisions. Also. it is about who knows your name when an opportunity arises. It is about whether your contributions are seen, credited, and remembered. Likewise, it is about being in the room, or at least being talked about in it.
At junior and mid levels of your career, performance is king. You prove yourself through your work and you earn your seat at the table. But at senior levels, the game changes completely. By the time you are competing for VP roles, director positions, and seats in leadership, everyone in the room is technically competent. Everyone delivers. The differentiator is no longer who does the best work. It is who has built the right relationships, who is visible to the right people, and who is trusted as a leader, not just a doer.
This is the shift that many women in STEM miss. And it costs them dearly.
The Story That Will Make You Think
Adaeze shared a story in the episode that is worth sitting with.
She had a client, a brilliant, hardworking woman in STEM, who was passed over for a VP role. On paper, she was the obvious choice. Her work was exceptional. Her results spoke for themselves. She had given everything to the organisation.
But when the decision was made, she was not in the conversation. Not because the leaders did not respect her work, but because they had not seen her as a leader. She had been so focused on executing, on delivering, on being the best at her job, that she had never shown up in the spaces where leadership decisions happen. Also, She was invisible in the conversations that mattered.
She was not overlooked because she was not good enough. She was overlooked because the people making the decision did not know her well enough to champion her.
This is not a story about one woman. It is a story playing out in organisations everywhere, with women who are brilliant, qualified, and completely invisible to the people who hold the keys to their next level.
Has this ever happened to you?
You might be in the same position without even knowing it. Listen to Episode 027 and hear how Adaeze walks through the exact shifts you need to make before the next opportunity passes you by.
Listen to Launch with Leaders — Episode 027
The Game Has Changed. Have You?
There is a moment in every career where the rules shift. What got you here will not get you there. The strategies that worked at the beginning, work hard, deliver results, keep your head down, stop working. And if you do not recognise that moment, you will keep playing the same game while everyone else has moved on to a different one.
Adaeze puts it plainly: “You need to realise when the game has changed from checkers to chess, and you need to brush up on the skills so that you can play to win.”
Checkers is straightforward. Every piece moves the same way. Work hard, move forward. But chess is strategic. Different pieces have different roles. You have to think multiple moves ahead. In addition, you have to protect some pieces while sacrificing others. Also, you have to understand the whole board, not just your corner of it.
Senior careers require chess thinking. That means:
- Building strategic relationships — not networking for the sake of it, but deliberately cultivating connections with people who have influence over your career trajectory.
- Making your work visible — not bragging, but ensuring the right people understand the value you bring and can speak to it when it counts.
- Being present in the right conversations — showing up in spaces where decisions are made, ideas are formed, and leaders are evaluated.
- Thinking like a leader, not just a contributor — shifting from “how do I get this done?” to “how do I shape the direction of this team, project, or organisation?”
None of this replaces doing great work. It builds on top of it. But if you are only doing great work and none of these other things, you are leaving your career to chance.
More Conversations Worth Your Time
If this resonated with you, these episodes from Launch with Leaders will take the conversation even further:
Courtney Quarterman on Career Navigation and Owning Your Story — A powerful conversation about how women in leadership move through the corporate world on their own terms.
Unlocking Your Career: The Strategies No One Tells You About — Practical, no-nonsense advice for women ready to stop waiting and start moving.
Dr. Nikki Harris on Authentic Leadership — A deeply honest conversation about leading as your full self and why authenticity is not a weakness — it is a superpower.
The Practical Challenge Adaeze Left Us With
At the end of the episode, Adaeze gave listeners one concrete action to take. Not a ten-step plan. Not a full strategy overhaul. Just one question to sit with:
Look at your calendar. How many meetings do you have with people who can actually impact your career?
Not just your team. Not just your direct manager. The people who make decisions about promotions, opportunities, and who gets a seat at the table. Are they on your calendar? Are you in regular conversation with them? Do they know what you are working on, what you are capable of, and where you want to go?
If the answer is no, or not really, that is your starting point.
Visibility is not something that happens to you. It is something you build intentionally, one conversation and one relationship at a time.
This Is Your Wake-Up Call
If you have been showing up, doing the work, and still feeling stuck — this episode was made for you. Adaeze does not offer sympathy. She offers strategy.
Listen to Episode 027 of Launch with Leaders and start playing to win.
Stop Waiting to Be Discovered
The biggest career mistake talented women in STEM make is assuming that excellence alone will be rewarded. That if you just do the work well enough, long enough, someone will notice and give you what you have earned.
Sometimes that happens. But more often, it does not. Because organisations do not run on merit alone. They run on relationships, visibility, and the confidence other people have in your ability to lead, not just deliver.
You have already proven you can do the work. Now it is time to make sure the right people know it.
Stop waiting to be discovered. Start building the career you deserve with intention, strategy, and the belief that you are not only capable of playing at the highest level, you belong there.
Frequently Asked Questions
Why isn’t hard work enough for women in STEM?
Hard work is necessary, but it is not sufficient, especially for women in STEM. The system was not designed for your success, which means you often have to work significantly harder than your peers just to be seen. At senior levels, the criteria for advancement shifts from performance to visibility, relationships, and influence. If you are only focused on delivering, you are meeting one requirement out of several. The women who advance are the ones who learn to do both.
How do I build visibility without feeling like I am bragging?
Visibility is not about self-promotion in the hollow sense. This can look like sharing updates on projects in team meetings, asking senior leaders for their input on your work, volunteering for high-profile projects, or simply being present in conversations where strategy is discussed.
What is strategic positioning and how do I start?
Strategic positioning is the deliberate effort to be visible, relevant, and trusted in the spaces where decisions about your career are made.
What is the Leadership Edge Diagnostic mentioned in the episode?
The Leadership Edge Diagnostic is a tool Adaeze offers to help women in STEM gain clarity on where they currently stand in terms of leadership visibility, influence, and career positioning
I feel burnt out from trying so hard. Where do I even start?
Start by giving yourself permission to stop doing more and start doing differently.
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